me: oh? What do you mean? Like at recess?
Chica: I'm afraid not
me: OH. did yall get in trouble or something?
the look that came over her face was somehting I have never seen before. PURE dissapointment in herself. It broke my heart. She has never gotten in trouble at school before. After 20 minutes of me trying to get her to tell me what she got in trouble for. After 20 minutes of huge tears in her eyes, her refusing to tell me or to say anything at all, and instead she was trying to hold her self together. After 20 minutes of me letting her know it is ok to get in trouble at school sometimes, all kids get in trouble, she is there all day five days a week, that it wont be the last time, and so on and so on. She ends up telling me that her and P were playing with their food (corn) by hiding it in their hand and making the other guess which hand it was in. Her teacher said something to the sorts of "yall can't be together" and my child took that as in they can't ever play/eat/sit/read/listen/ and everything else possible for forever. Poor little girl.
Often, I think about the things that she is going to experience and learn over the next year. I think about the moments she will be proud of herself and the moments she will be disappointed in herself. I wonder if I have prepared her for those moments. Of course, being her mom, I don't want her to deal with disappointment (from herself or anyone else) but I know that she must. She is a human, God made us able to deal with disappointment and she will only learn as she experiences it. The same goes for being proud. I have full confidence in my child. I know her strengths and weaknesses. I know her happiness and her nervousness. I know her success and her failures. I know she is and will be the type of person that is more angry and disappointed in herself than anyone else. I know that I will have to make the conscious effort to teach her that she doesn't need to be perfect.
It starts now, preparing her for being a kind, giving, understand, forgiving, loving, positive adult. It starts now, teaching her that life will not always be rainbows and butterflies. Life changes, we make mistakes, we hurt.. but it is what you do with it all. It won't be the last time she plays with her food. Heck, I play with my food and I am almost 30. It wont be the last time she gets in trouble (although she didn't really get in trouble) It wont be the last time her eyes fill with tears as she sits in disappointment of herself. All I can do is allow it to happen. Allow her to learn. Allow her to see the outcome. While I stand beside her with love and encouragement.
No comments:
Post a Comment